After a recent remark on her own talk show gave some viewers the impression that she “hates sex,” Drew Barrymore is clearing the air.
Barrymore, 47, responded to Andrew Garfield’s assertion last month that he abstained from sex for six months before portraying a Jesuit priest in the 2016 movie Silence. What’s wrong with me that six months doesn’t seem like a very long time? the actress, a single mother who has been open about her dating woes on the program, joked in response. I said, “Yeah, so?”
But as Barrymore learned recently when a woman approached her after a workout, some people took her casual comment about celibacy the wrong way. She was told by the woman, “You look just like Drew Barrymore, but you look like you have mental wellness, and additionally… she hates sex!”
Barrymore felt compelled to explain how her perspective on intimacy has changed over the years, from her wild upbringing as a child star to her current state as a single mother who shares two daughters with her third husband Will Kopelman. She finally connected the dots between that woman’s comment and what she said on her show last month.
“At nearly 48 I have very different feelings about intimacy than I did growing up,” the E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial star shared in new blog post, titled “Rebels Who Love,” on Sunday. “I did not have role model parents and I engaged with people in grown up ways since a tender age! I was looking for companionship! validation! excitement! pleasure! hedonism! fun! And adventures!! Now, because I can’t get in the time machine and change my history … [I] choose to look at it through a positive lens, which is that I lived! I lived a very rich full life.
“However, after two kids and a separation from their father that has made me cautious, I have had the pleasure of shifting my focus when it comes to love for myself and my two daughters. I know that does not include a man nor has it for a while,” Barrymore, who divorced Kopelman in 2016, continued, adding insight from her therapist that has helped her distinguish sex from love. “I’ve come to realize through working in therapy (with Barry), he said something and I had to write it down. He said, ‘Sex is not love! It is the expression of love.’ I have searched my whole life to have words like that to help me understand the difference and now, thanks to him, I do.”
The Never Been Kissed actress went on to explain how being a mother to 10-year-old Olive and 8-year-old Frankie has changed how she approaches relationships, both with herself and with others. Barrymore shared that “since entering life as a single mom, I have not been able to have an intimate relationship.”
“I have had the honor and a pleasure to actually work on myself and learn what parenting is, again something I was not exactly clear on growing up and I’ve had many learning curves thrown my way,” she continued. “I’ve been intimidated. I’ve been triumphant. I’ve been asked to be educated in every way I can be. The truth is, it’s different for every family and every individual, but I have had to try and find my own way. I’m also raising two daughters, so how we raise girls to be appropriate and empowered and to love themselves and to realize that we live in an age where the images and messages that they will see will also contradict what I have come to believe intimacy is! Intimacy is something that makes you feel good about yourself! I also talk about and have learned when something doesn’t make you feel good or it makes you feel bad about yourself, pay as much attention to that as what makes you feel great because there’s a lesson in there.”